笑容背后的憔悴 ＆ 伤痛只有自己明白 
心里想着心事，本来就很乱的脑袋，变的烦躁……看着屋顶慢慢的回想着最近所发生的事。想着想着，不禁让我有点彷徨，有点儿迷茫。有时我会倔强的对自己说“我很坚强！”可是我的眼神出卖了自己！其实我对自己很无奈。
很多事儿的对与错都没有严格的分界线，是的，我从来没有认为是谁的错，却一次次只看到自己的痛，我不想不开心面对任何人，那样太过沉重，我有点儿负担不起，也许，是不能有所承担。
不知道自己为何又默默地回想起了许多许多，心又痛了，真是痛了，恨自己还是没有保护好自己，伤得那么透彻，让自己都无法将其掩埋，只能赤裸裸地去面对现实，带着滴着血的伤口，跋涉在自己的轨迹上，累也苦，但是还得坚持，可能这就是我的生活，就是生活给我教训，在教会我怎样去面对生活中的一切，伤痛和喜悦，一切一切……
一直以来就告诉自己要把自己包裹好了，想着自己会好的，告诉自己要用心去对待，认真对待身边的人，不能将别人给你伤害带到眼前的生活中，不能用别人人给我的伤害去敌对现在身边的人，所以自己开始试着去用一个真诚的心对待一切，告诫过自己不要轻易相信别人，但是那样太累了，所以自己慢慢放松了自己，放松警惕……
以后不奢求谁来珍惜自己，自己做到就可以了!不要再给别人和本人机会来伤害自己！
心凉凉的！想发火但是不能，要坚持住！
越来越觉得自己不知道自己是谁了，越想越糊涂。在朋友眼里我是一个坚强成功的人，往往别人有了烦恼和伤心的事情对我说，我都能劝他们，但是我自己知道我不是圣人，有累的时候，有麻木的时候，又有谁能知道和理解，难过时候偷偷落下的那一滴泪早已说明了我一切。只能说明自己还是没有真正长大成熟，没有把一切看得淡然，没有达到那种境界。看着窗外的星空，感觉心情平静了好多。
以前会痛，是因为还没有麻木，还是总是怀着天真的想法去勾画自己美好的未来，但是现实就是现实，不是我的幻想，可能生活的原意就是要让我们知道怎么去麻木，怎么去现实，怎么去冷眼看世界，怎样在现实生活中做到淡定，怎么去做一个俗人，其实本来我就是一个俗人，但是非要去憧憬浪漫，把幻想当做现实，是自己太傻了，没有其他原因。很多事儿的对与错都没有严格的界限，所以伤痛之后，我就会把错误拥入怀中，可是为什么没有对与错时，却只看到了自己的伤痛呢？茫然中我失去一切……
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