======笑容背后的憔悴 & 伤痛只有我自己明白======

个人日记

 

笑容背后的憔悴 & 伤痛只有自己明白

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  心里想着心事,本来就很乱的脑袋,变的烦躁……看着屋顶慢慢的回想着最近所发生的事。想着想着,不禁让我有点彷徨,有点儿迷茫。有时我会倔强的对自己说“我很坚强!”可是我的眼神出卖了自己!其实我对自己很无奈。
  很多事儿的对与错都没有严格的分界线,是的,我从来没有认为是谁的错,却一次次只看到自己的痛,我不想不开心面对任何人,那样太过沉重,我有点儿负担不起,也许,是不能有所承担。
  不知道自己为何又默默地回想起了许多许多,心又痛了,真是痛了,恨自己还是没有保护好自己,伤得那么透彻,让自己都无法将其掩埋,只能赤裸裸地去面对现实,带着滴着血的伤口,跋涉在自己的轨迹上,累也苦,但是还得坚持,可能这就是我的生活,就是生活给我教训,在教会我怎样去面对生活中的一切,伤痛和喜悦,一切一切……
  一直以来就告诉自己要把自己包裹好了,想着自己会好的,告诉自己要用心去对待,认真对待身边的人,不能将别人给你伤害带到眼前的生活中,不能用别人人给我的伤害去敌对现在身边的人,所以自己开始试着去用一个真诚的心对待一切,告诫过自己不要轻易相信别人,但是那样太累了,所以自己慢慢放松了自己,放松警惕……
  以后不奢求谁来珍惜自己,自己做到就可以了!不要再给别人和本人机会来伤害自己!
  心凉凉的!想发火但是不能,要坚持住!
  越来越觉得自己不知道自己是谁了,越想越糊涂。在朋友眼里我是一个坚强成功的人,往往别人有了烦恼和伤心的事情对我说,我都能劝他们,但是我自己知道我不是圣人,有累的时候,有麻木的时候,又有谁能知道和理解,难过时候偷偷落下的那一滴泪早已说明了我一切。只能说明自己还是没有真正长大成熟,没有把一切看得淡然,没有达到那种境界。看着窗外的星空,感觉心情平静了好多。
  以前会痛,是因为还没有麻木,还是总是怀着天真的想法去勾画自己美好的未来,但是现实就是现实,不是我的幻想,可能生活的原意就是要让我们知道怎么去麻木,怎么去现实,怎么去冷眼看世界,怎样在现实生活中做到淡定,怎么去做一个俗人,其实本来我就是一个俗人,但是非要去憧憬浪漫,把幻想当做现实,是自己太傻了,没有其他原因。很多事儿的对与错都没有严格的界限,所以伤痛之后,我就会把错误拥入怀中,可是为什么没有对与错时,却只看到了自己的伤痛呢?茫然中我失去一切……

思念遥远牵挂在心
 

 

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思念遥远,牵挂在心

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