淡墨

I don’t know whatit is lingering in my mind.I am just thinking of leaving.I want to go back home even though I don’t koow where my home is.

Day flysaway.Everyting is changing,but it seems that I am still standing where I usedto be and refused to change or leave.

Maybe I am wrong.Ishouldn’t depend too much on others no mater who he or she is.Everyone has hisown life.No one can be always with you or stand in a place where you can seewhen you want to turn to.The truth is that you walk on your own way,but whenyou turn back you find the things which you think will be always the samebecome absolutely different.

I know it’s my own problem but I don’t know what the problem is.As my grammy has told me,I was agirl who was so afriad of being left alone when I was a child.But as I growup,I used to think that I love the solitude.Whether it’s the truth or not?I haveread one sentnce on the net says that the one who reminds too much about your bygones is one who doesn’t have the courage to advance alone.

Yestoday,I went out at ten when it was raining and almost everyone is in the dormitory.I don’tknow if I would go out last night without Keke’s company.Would I be braveenough to go out?I think there is high possibility that I wouldn’t go out,atleast,not such far. I can recognize that I am not as brave as I what I used tobe or what I concidered myself to be brfore.

How can I bestronger?Be stronger enough to go forwards alone.

In my last term’slife,I focus much time on Duxie and on the partners in Duxie.It’s the periodduring which I experience warmth.But in these days,I find that’s not all what Iwant or I agree with.I don’t know whether we will be friends if I don’t participate the activities?I know I’m not the person who is good at manging one’s emotions.I can promise that I am trying to learn such ability,but I cannot dealit well.Every time I feel tired,the feeling of escape shines in my mind againand again.

One year’sdifferent life seems change me a lot?I don’t know!I feel confused and more liketo be what I used to be again.I want to be alone,but I dare not to advance alone!How ridiculous it is!

How can I heal myself?How can I be stronger?