青梅煮酒论英雄
个人日记
铁道部与中石化偶遇，闲谈，随至小亭，已设樽俎：盘置青梅，一樽煮酒，国窖1573。二人对坐，开怀畅饮。酒至半酣，忽阴云漠漠，骤雨将至，风已满楼，铁道部与中石化凭栏观之。
铁道部曰：“兄台知国企之奥妙否？”
中石化曰：“未知其详。”
铁道部曰：“国企能大能小，能升能隐；大则覆盖天下，小则隐介衙门；赚则福利予自己，赔则伸手与国家。方今人傻，国企乘时变化，携无息之贷款，分红与国外。兄台久垄断一方，必知当世国企之英雄，请试指言之。”
中石化曰：“吾辈肉眼安识英雄？”
铁道部曰：“休得过谦。”中石化曰：“吾叨恩庇，得益于发改委。天下英雄，实有未知。”铁道部曰：“即不识其面，亦闻其名。”
中石化曰：“老大电业，独霸能源，国之脊梁，可为英雄？”
铁道部笑曰：“冢中枯骨，受制于煤炭，掌舵者才疏学浅，草包一个，吾早晚必兼之！”
中石化曰：“龙王水衙门，民之命门，国之命脉；今虎踞各地，部下能事者极多，可为英雄？”
铁道部笑曰：“水衙门长期亏损，好谋无断；奈何不了小民，涨小钱而听证；非英雄也！”
中石化曰：“有一企业名称电信，威震九州，流量乃别国三分之一，收费乃别国三倍，可为英雄？”
铁道部曰：“电信虚名无实，市场三分，竞争激烈，发小财而已。”
中石化曰：“有一人血气方刚，独霸空中，民航乃英雄也？”
铁道部曰：“吾之高铁足可对付之，看别人脸色，非英雄也。”
中石化曰：“高速公路，席卷全国，可为英雄乎？”
铁道部曰：“高速虽系交通，然后劲不足，路多车少，坐吃山空，何足为英雄！”
中石化曰：“如钢厂、市政、电器等辈皆如何？”
铁道部鼓掌大笑曰：“此等碌碌小人，可足挂齿！”
中石化曰：“舍此之外，实不知。”
铁道部曰：“夫英雄者，胸怀大志，腹有良谋，负债2万亿而不乱，事故死几十人而不惊，公检法自备。垄断于市场，涨价时给国际接轨，降价时搞中国特色，一本之万利，宰人于无形。”
中石化曰：“谁能当之？”
铁道部以手指中石化，后自指，曰：“还在装，今天下英雄，惟兄台与偶耳！”
中石化闻言，吃了一惊，手中所执匙箸，不觉落于地下。时正值天雨将至，雷声大作，中石化乃从容俯首拾箸曰：“一震之威，乃至于此？ 隐藏这么深，且有发改委冲锋在前，难掩老兄耳目也。”
铁道部笑曰：“大丈夫亦畏P民乎？”
中石化曰：“这年头，网络猖獗，安得不畏？”
铁道部无语........
（本文摘自南方都市报2011年8月19日B23版）
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