Jade Goddess of Mercy玉观音
个人日记
Jade Goddess of Mercy
玉观音
Introduction
Yang Rui, the playboy in Beijing, thought of tempting an outlander girl called An Xin who was doing chores in Taekwondo Gymnasium, after associating with her several times, he was surprised to find that An Xin, so pure and simple by appearance, but on contrast she had extremely unsearchable, complicated experiences in her life now or past: An xin ever got the first of the Lady's Kickboxing Competition in province, after graduating from the police school, when met with Mao Jie who was handsome but impulsive, she was a trainee in a general police station of a small town. Afterwards she was in love with Tie jun, a reporter, and married, she had a boy with a perfect and happy family. But while carrying out a task, she unexpectedly found that Mao jie was a drug dealer, during Mao jie was arrested and set free, it was found out that Mao jie was her son's father, for that Tie Jun was killed by Mao Jie's revenge. An Xin was in grief without her husband, and she left Beijing with her boy to a distant place so as to flee away Mao Jie, the drug trafficker’s hatred, and made a living by part-time jobs.
In his whole heart, Yang Rui fell in love with An Xin, but he was imprisoned because of his fiancée, Zhong Ning' false accusation, and he would rather be in prison than surrender. With money which An Xin's parents disposed of their old house, An Xin engaged a layer and witnesses, and finally saved him out of the jail. Yang rui was deeply impressed for An xin of kindness, mercy, strong mind and doughtiness, and with that he had remoulded himself thoroughly. Yet, while they was preparing for their marriage, Mao Jie caught An Xin's whereabouts and carried out retaliating brutally, resulted in disastrous consequences: Not only were An Xin and Yang rui on their bodies hurted badly, but also the child should be killed by his natural father with his own hands. After suffering from the terrible horrifying matter and the death of cruelness and ruthlessness, even though Yang rui embraced An Xin with full of his love, she couldn’t feel relieved, and then being immersed in love no longer, she finally put herself into work which was extremely arduous and dangerous for those who caught drug dealers.
In his whole heart, Yang Rui fell in love with An Xin, but he was imprisoned because of his fiancée, Zhong Ning' false accusation, and he would rather be in prison than surrender. With money which An Xin's parents disposed of their old house, An Xin engaged a layer and witnesses, and finally saved him out of the jail. Yang rui was deeply impressed for An xin of kindness, mercy, strong mind and doughtiness, and with that he had remoulded himself thoroughly. Yet, while they was preparing for their marriage, Mao Jie caught An Xin's whereabouts and carried out retaliating brutally, resulted in disastrous consequences: Not only were An Xin and Yang rui on their bodies hurted badly, but also the child should be killed by his natural father with his own hands. After suffering from the terrible horrifying matter and the death of cruelness and ruthlessness, even though Yang rui embraced An Xin with full of his love, she couldn’t feel relieved, and then being immersed in love no longer, she finally put herself into work which was extremely arduous and dangerous for those who caught drug dealers.
京城花花公子杨瑞企图勾引在跆拳道馆做杂工的外地女孩安心，几次交往下来，他惊讶地发现外表清纯的安心有着极其神秘的现在与坎坷复杂的过去：安心曾是省女子跆拳道冠军，警校毕业后到基层公安局锻炼，邂逅帅气冲动的毛杰。后与相恋多年的记者铁军组成了美满的家庭，生下一个男孩。在一次执行任务时，她发现毛杰竟是毒贩，随着毛杰的被抓获与释放，孩子被查出是毛杰的骨肉，铁军因此死于毛杰的复仇。安心痛失丈夫，为了避开毒贩的报复，独自带着孩子远走京城，靠打零工维持生计……
杨瑞真心爱上了安心，却遭未婚妻钟宁陷害入狱，他宁肯坐牢也不愿违心低头。安心用父母变卖老宅的钱，聘请律师证人，将杨瑞从牢狱中营救出来。杨瑞折服于安心的善良、宽容与坚强，自己也发生了脱胎换骨的变化。正当两人准备结婚时，毛杰发现了安心的行踪并实施疯狂报复，安心与杨瑞身受重伤，孩子死于生身父亲之手。经历了惨烈的变故、死亡的残酷，杨瑞的爱情已无法安抚安心，她最终舍弃儿女情长，隐姓埋名投身到极其艰苦、危险的缉毒工作中……
杨瑞真心爱上了安心，却遭未婚妻钟宁陷害入狱，他宁肯坐牢也不愿违心低头。安心用父母变卖老宅的钱，聘请律师证人，将杨瑞从牢狱中营救出来。杨瑞折服于安心的善良、宽容与坚强，自己也发生了脱胎换骨的变化。正当两人准备结婚时，毛杰发现了安心的行踪并实施疯狂报复，安心与杨瑞身受重伤，孩子死于生身父亲之手。经历了惨烈的变故、死亡的残酷，杨瑞的爱情已无法安抚安心，她最终舍弃儿女情长，隐姓埋名投身到极其艰苦、危险的缉毒工作中……
Preview
Translated by 李明霞
I'm getting married. I'm as 24 years old as the bride, Beibei, who has tremendous fortune, nearly pretty look.
Noisy and tiring was the last week by the wedding, too many relatives and friends of the Beibei's family, for welcoming them come or seeing them off, or giving politely short talks or introducing myself to them as they questioned about me, such as those non-stop things stuffed my daily life. Those who came to congratulate, gave presents and saw me, the bridegroom, as if shopping in a line, were one after another. And time and time again Beibei’ s parents had to introduce me that was from Chinese mainland, to their relatives of the whole clan, to their upper-class social circles. And in addition, noisy calls from Seattle, San Fransisco, Chicago, Vancouver and Toronto, the sounds of congratulations in them had lasted on their ears. Maybe, their social power and networks in Chinese areas of the whole North America wouldn’t emerge but not in the state of wedding of their son or daughter. The social influence and standing were proud of them, because long time and several generations’ contribution led to that they are today. And Beibei, was always one of the fourth generation immigrants of their clan.
我要结婚了。
我二十四岁，与新娘同龄。新娘是特别富有而且长相也还凑合的贝贝。
婚礼前的最后一周过得既热闹又疲惫，贝贝家的亲戚朋友真多，我的日程中塞满了没完没了的迎来送往、仪式化的客套和像考试一样的自我介绍。那些祝贺的、送礼的、来看新郎的，就像排队买东西似的一个挨着一个。贝贝的父母得不厌其烦地把我这个从中国大陆来的陌生人引见给他们的整个家族和这家族在上流杜会的圈子。还有电话。电话不停地晌着，从西雅图、旧金山、 芝加哥以及温哥华和多伦多打来的电话，恭喜恭喜之声不绝于耳。也许只有儿女婚嫁这种事,才最能看出这家人在整个北美华人社会中的影响和根基。这影响和根基是历史造就的，绝对速成不了的，因而也是令人骄傲的。贝贝已经算是这个家族中的第四 代移民了。
Busy with the wedding were many people, joyful and delighted, especially, the bride,Beibei, and the wedding ceremony would hold in the most famous church, Beverly Hillsin San Fransisco. By her wedding ceremony, it was obvious that Bei bei was the happiest girl in the whole world.
婚礼将在洛杉矶比弗利山庄最有名的教堂举行，很多人都在为这桩婚事忙碌，喜不自禁，尤其是新娘贝贝。看得出婚礼之前的贝贝是世界上最幸福的女孩儿。
And me? In the family of pomposity and magnificence, I should be happy, so many people for me were busy booking the church, and the hotel for wedding feasts, choosing designers to make me the wedding dress and photographers to make films, the presents and gifts for the wedding celebration like hills in the rooms, someone else was responsible for registering guests' name. I knew that all were extremely luxury life for me, my happiness! Of course, what I should feel the happiest not only those, for Beibei's domestic from Ethiopia, the black Ms Maricy, who had worked for twenty years in living areas of Chinese immigrants, but spoken an fluent Taiwan’ Chinese also acquainted with Chinese social customs and habits, even all the things Chinese immigrants were fond of seeing or hearing, told me all was nothing worth than what the marriage would soon give me the good to go to the immigrant government office to sing "Karaoke". But wasn't it a luck to go singing "Karaoke" so that I, the pure Chinese felt puzzled. "Of course! It was to go the immigrant government office to sing the national song of America, you are Ok to look it as 'Karaoke'" said Maricy, "I came here for 20 years before I got that American ID card, but you , it is ok for you only to live here for half a year, because you are married to a citizen of America as your wife !" In an intentionally indifferent tone I said :" Being an America citizen is nothing important !" In fact, I knew that America ID card was each of immigrants’ desire in dreams, but I showed a indifferent cold look instead.
我呢？ 我应该感到幸福，在这个浮华之家如此受人瞩目，有那么多人忙着为我去订教堂，到饭店里去订喜宴，找设计师来做衣服， 找摄影师来拍电影，屋里的礼品堆成小山，还专门有人登记造册……我知道，这一切都是我从未享受过的，是我的幸福！ 当然，我最应该感到幸福的还不是这些，贝贝那位从埃塞俄比亚来的黑人保姆玛瑞丝太太告诉我，这一切都算不上什么，最值得我庆幸的，其实是这桩婚事能让我很快就可以到移民官那里去唱 “卡拉OK”了！玛瑞丝太太在这个华人家庭里工作了二十年，不仅可以说出一口流利的台湾腔的国语，而且，对华人社会的风俗习惯和他们喜闻乐见的一切东西都能一一道来，如数家珍。可让我这个最纯的华人都感到莫名其妙的是，难道去唱卡拉OK也算是一件幸事？ “当然啦J就是到移民局去唱美国的国歌呀，就当它是唱卡拉OK好啦。”玛瑞丝说，“我来这边二十年了才拿到这个身份, 可你只要在这边住上半年，移民局就会通知你去唱歌了，因为你娶了一位美国公民做了太太！” 我故意无动于衷地说道：“当美国公民又有什么好！”其实 我明明知道，这是这里的每个外国移民都梦寐以求的归宿，但我偏偏要做出这样冷淡的神情。
"It’s of course OK." exaggeratively exclaimed Ms.Maricy , "America, what a good place! she always protects and takes side with her own citizens, her laws or welfare services, all is good for her citizens," in a cold tone , I said:" Well, it’s OK only to sing Stars and Stripes Forever to get the U.S passport, and with it, I can get American care, so, of course I have no objection to it." " Moreover." Mrs Maricy said to me in carefulness and seriousness, "not only sing the song, the immigration officer will also give some questions to you, but they are easy to answer. If he said to you:'Do you like the country ?' you should say :'Oh yeah, of course, How great the country is .' said he again :'Are you willing to make a contribution to this nation?' you should reply:'Oh! Do my best.' In a word, you should answer about each of his questions. And then you will be able to take an oath, sing; after that you will be a citizen of the USA!" Yes, with little hindrance I would become an American citizen due to getting married to Bei bei; for this not only was it happy, but could nearly say, that it was lucky. Thereupon, among the family I made a pretence of smilling，exciting or showing a grateful expression or a happy look. I would like Beibei and her parents who were fond to her, all people in the house including Mrs Maricy, to be satisfied with me than feel disappointed and unhappy.
“当然好啦。”玛瑞丝太太夸张地叫起来，“美国，多好的地方！美国对自己的公民很偏心的，很袒护的，法律呀、福利呀， 每一样每一样，都很照顾的。” 我淡淡地说：“好啊，唱一遍星条旗永不落就能拿美国护照了，拿了美国护照就能受美国的照顾了，我当然没意见。” “还有啊。”玛瑞丝太太认真负责地告诉我，“不是单单唱歌的，移民官还要问你一些话呢，不过也很好答的。他会问你： ‘喜欢这个国家吗？’你就答：‘喜欢，当然喜欢啦，这是多么伟大的国家。’他再问你：‘愿意为这个国家作贡献吗？’你就答： ‘噢！尽我所能吧。’总之他问什么你答什么．然后就可以宣誓啦，唱歌啦，唱完歌你就是一个美国公民啦！” 是的，我因为要和贝贝结婚，所以将很容易地成为一个美国公民，这不仅是幸福，而且几乎可以说是幸运。于是，我在这个家里装出笑，装出激动和感谢的表情，装出幸福的模样。我想让贝贝和疼爱她的父母感到满意，我不想让这家里的一切人，包括玛瑞丝太太在内，感到失望和扫兴。
But for all that, one morning by the date of wedding, Beibei still asked me with distrust in the garden:" You are unhappy, upset, are you tired ?" I said:" No." Giving Beibei a hug in my arms, I would like to conceal my inner empty with my gentleness. Beibei asked:" Then what’s up?" I have no idea how I was, at the moment of my life when I should have felt best, I should have no passion in my inner heart.
即便如此，在婚期临近的一天早上，在花园里，贝贝依然疑惑地问我：“你不开心吗，你不高兴吗，你是不是累了？” 我说：“没有。” 我搂了搂贝贝，想用身体的温存来掩饰内心的空茫，贝贝问： “那你怎么啦？” 我不知道我怎么啦，在这个人生最美好的时刻，我没有热情。
Here, I didn’t have a relative, nor an acquainted friend. Here，except Beibei，everyone, including Bei bei’ s parents was distant and strange for me。
"you must be tired." said Beibei, "we'd better leave, and return here next week. Where do you like to go? What about Las Vegas? Do you want to try your luck at gamble? Or we straightly go to a more distant place, and Hawaii? We find a quiet beach, only you and me there…" A quiet beach? I nodded and said:" It's Ok." A quiet, silent beach…I realized it would be inevitable for me to go into that dreamland which I had always kept out, on that quiet beach.
All the family knew wayward Bei bei, so that day her family ordered the air tickets for us and saw us off the airport. From Los Angeles to Hawaii, we would fly across over the Pacific Ocean for 7 hours long. … …
这里没有我一个亲人，也没有一个熟悉的朋友。除了贝贝， 这里的一切都让我感到隔膜和陌生，包括她的父母。
贝贝说： “你肯定是累了。不如我们躲开这儿．下周再回来，你喜欢去哪儿？拉斯维加斯？想去赌赌你的手气吗？或者我们干脆走远一点，去夏威夷怎么样？找一个安静的海滩，就我们两个人……” 安静的海滩？ 我点了头，说：“好啊。” 安静的海滩…… 我预料到我必然要和我一直逃避的那个梦境相逢了，在那个安静的海滩。
这家人都熟知贝贝的任性，当天就有人帮我们订了机票，送我们去了机场。从洛杉矶去夏威夷，我们将在太平洋上空，做长达七个小时的横渡。
… …
From:An Xin
To Yang Rui
Being loved by you is a kind of enjoyment, I have always imagined that I can be with you like that in my entire lifetime. But Yang Rui, I must go; for my destiny, I can't have a love, or a family; I was faded to live a life which must conceal my identity. I was destined to be lonely. Maybe you don't know how I love you; I love you more than Tie jun, but after all, Tie jun is my husband. After my husband and my son were gone one after one, I can't talk about love and romance again. I think I should be responsible for their lives, what I should do for, even die for them!
From: Yang Rui
To An Xin
It was really a wonder that I, a freakish man, like being reborn from inside out, should be sincerely loyal to a woman; the wonder should be, first of all, owe to the qualities and character of An xin, which endured my false and shortcomings, touched me. For another, An Xin always brought me unexpectedly surprising feelings, which were, all the time, new and curious to me. For instance, between her appearance her experience was an unthinkable distinction; her inner temperament was great unimaginable different from her outer qualities.
Noisy and tiring was the last week by the wedding, too many relatives and friends of the Beibei's family, for welcoming them come or seeing them off, or giving politely short talks or introducing myself to them as they questioned about me, such as those non-stop things stuffed my daily life. Those who came to congratulate, gave presents and saw me, the bridegroom, as if shopping in a line, were one after another. And time and time again Beibei’ s parents had to introduce me that was from Chinese mainland, to their relatives of the whole clan, to their upper-class social circles. And in addition, noisy calls from Seattle, San Fransisco, Chicago, Vancouver and Toronto, the sounds of congratulations in them had lasted on their ears. Maybe, their social power and networks in Chinese areas of the whole North America wouldn’t emerge but not in the state of wedding of their son or daughter. The social influence and standing were proud of them, because long time and several generations’ contribution led to that they are today. And Beibei, was always one of the fourth generation immigrants of their clan.
我要结婚了。
我二十四岁，与新娘同龄。新娘是特别富有而且长相也还凑合的贝贝。
婚礼前的最后一周过得既热闹又疲惫，贝贝家的亲戚朋友真多，我的日程中塞满了没完没了的迎来送往、仪式化的客套和像考试一样的自我介绍。那些祝贺的、送礼的、来看新郎的，就像排队买东西似的一个挨着一个。贝贝的父母得不厌其烦地把我这个从中国大陆来的陌生人引见给他们的整个家族和这家族在上流杜会的圈子。还有电话。电话不停地晌着，从西雅图、旧金山、 芝加哥以及温哥华和多伦多打来的电话，恭喜恭喜之声不绝于耳。也许只有儿女婚嫁这种事,才最能看出这家人在整个北美华人社会中的影响和根基。这影响和根基是历史造就的，绝对速成不了的，因而也是令人骄傲的。贝贝已经算是这个家族中的第四 代移民了。
Busy with the wedding were many people, joyful and delighted, especially, the bride,Beibei, and the wedding ceremony would hold in the most famous church, Beverly Hillsin San Fransisco. By her wedding ceremony, it was obvious that Bei bei was the happiest girl in the whole world.
婚礼将在洛杉矶比弗利山庄最有名的教堂举行，很多人都在为这桩婚事忙碌，喜不自禁，尤其是新娘贝贝。看得出婚礼之前的贝贝是世界上最幸福的女孩儿。
And me? In the family of pomposity and magnificence, I should be happy, so many people for me were busy booking the church, and the hotel for wedding feasts, choosing designers to make me the wedding dress and photographers to make films, the presents and gifts for the wedding celebration like hills in the rooms, someone else was responsible for registering guests' name. I knew that all were extremely luxury life for me, my happiness! Of course, what I should feel the happiest not only those, for Beibei's domestic from Ethiopia, the black Ms Maricy, who had worked for twenty years in living areas of Chinese immigrants, but spoken an fluent Taiwan’ Chinese also acquainted with Chinese social customs and habits, even all the things Chinese immigrants were fond of seeing or hearing, told me all was nothing worth than what the marriage would soon give me the good to go to the immigrant government office to sing "Karaoke". But wasn't it a luck to go singing "Karaoke" so that I, the pure Chinese felt puzzled. "Of course! It was to go the immigrant government office to sing the national song of America, you are Ok to look it as 'Karaoke'" said Maricy, "I came here for 20 years before I got that American ID card, but you , it is ok for you only to live here for half a year, because you are married to a citizen of America as your wife !" In an intentionally indifferent tone I said :" Being an America citizen is nothing important !" In fact, I knew that America ID card was each of immigrants’ desire in dreams, but I showed a indifferent cold look instead.
我呢？ 我应该感到幸福，在这个浮华之家如此受人瞩目，有那么多人忙着为我去订教堂，到饭店里去订喜宴，找设计师来做衣服， 找摄影师来拍电影，屋里的礼品堆成小山，还专门有人登记造册……我知道，这一切都是我从未享受过的，是我的幸福！ 当然，我最应该感到幸福的还不是这些，贝贝那位从埃塞俄比亚来的黑人保姆玛瑞丝太太告诉我，这一切都算不上什么，最值得我庆幸的，其实是这桩婚事能让我很快就可以到移民官那里去唱 “卡拉OK”了！玛瑞丝太太在这个华人家庭里工作了二十年，不仅可以说出一口流利的台湾腔的国语，而且，对华人社会的风俗习惯和他们喜闻乐见的一切东西都能一一道来，如数家珍。可让我这个最纯的华人都感到莫名其妙的是，难道去唱卡拉OK也算是一件幸事？ “当然啦J就是到移民局去唱美国的国歌呀，就当它是唱卡拉OK好啦。”玛瑞丝说，“我来这边二十年了才拿到这个身份, 可你只要在这边住上半年，移民局就会通知你去唱歌了，因为你娶了一位美国公民做了太太！” 我故意无动于衷地说道：“当美国公民又有什么好！”其实 我明明知道，这是这里的每个外国移民都梦寐以求的归宿，但我偏偏要做出这样冷淡的神情。
"It’s of course OK." exaggeratively exclaimed Ms.Maricy , "America, what a good place! she always protects and takes side with her own citizens, her laws or welfare services, all is good for her citizens," in a cold tone , I said:" Well, it’s OK only to sing Stars and Stripes Forever to get the U.S passport, and with it, I can get American care, so, of course I have no objection to it." " Moreover." Mrs Maricy said to me in carefulness and seriousness, "not only sing the song, the immigration officer will also give some questions to you, but they are easy to answer. If he said to you:'Do you like the country ?' you should say :'Oh yeah, of course, How great the country is .' said he again :'Are you willing to make a contribution to this nation?' you should reply:'Oh! Do my best.' In a word, you should answer about each of his questions. And then you will be able to take an oath, sing; after that you will be a citizen of the USA!" Yes, with little hindrance I would become an American citizen due to getting married to Bei bei; for this not only was it happy, but could nearly say, that it was lucky. Thereupon, among the family I made a pretence of smilling，exciting or showing a grateful expression or a happy look. I would like Beibei and her parents who were fond to her, all people in the house including Mrs Maricy, to be satisfied with me than feel disappointed and unhappy.
“当然好啦。”玛瑞丝太太夸张地叫起来，“美国，多好的地方！美国对自己的公民很偏心的，很袒护的，法律呀、福利呀， 每一样每一样，都很照顾的。” 我淡淡地说：“好啊，唱一遍星条旗永不落就能拿美国护照了，拿了美国护照就能受美国的照顾了，我当然没意见。” “还有啊。”玛瑞丝太太认真负责地告诉我，“不是单单唱歌的，移民官还要问你一些话呢，不过也很好答的。他会问你： ‘喜欢这个国家吗？’你就答：‘喜欢，当然喜欢啦，这是多么伟大的国家。’他再问你：‘愿意为这个国家作贡献吗？’你就答： ‘噢！尽我所能吧。’总之他问什么你答什么．然后就可以宣誓啦，唱歌啦，唱完歌你就是一个美国公民啦！” 是的，我因为要和贝贝结婚，所以将很容易地成为一个美国公民，这不仅是幸福，而且几乎可以说是幸运。于是，我在这个家里装出笑，装出激动和感谢的表情，装出幸福的模样。我想让贝贝和疼爱她的父母感到满意，我不想让这家里的一切人，包括玛瑞丝太太在内，感到失望和扫兴。
But for all that, one morning by the date of wedding, Beibei still asked me with distrust in the garden:" You are unhappy, upset, are you tired ?" I said:" No." Giving Beibei a hug in my arms, I would like to conceal my inner empty with my gentleness. Beibei asked:" Then what’s up?" I have no idea how I was, at the moment of my life when I should have felt best, I should have no passion in my inner heart.
即便如此，在婚期临近的一天早上，在花园里，贝贝依然疑惑地问我：“你不开心吗，你不高兴吗，你是不是累了？” 我说：“没有。” 我搂了搂贝贝，想用身体的温存来掩饰内心的空茫，贝贝问： “那你怎么啦？” 我不知道我怎么啦，在这个人生最美好的时刻，我没有热情。
Here, I didn’t have a relative, nor an acquainted friend. Here，except Beibei，everyone, including Bei bei’ s parents was distant and strange for me。
"you must be tired." said Beibei, "we'd better leave, and return here next week. Where do you like to go? What about Las Vegas? Do you want to try your luck at gamble? Or we straightly go to a more distant place, and Hawaii? We find a quiet beach, only you and me there…" A quiet beach? I nodded and said:" It's Ok." A quiet, silent beach…I realized it would be inevitable for me to go into that dreamland which I had always kept out, on that quiet beach.
All the family knew wayward Bei bei, so that day her family ordered the air tickets for us and saw us off the airport. From Los Angeles to Hawaii, we would fly across over the Pacific Ocean for 7 hours long. … …
这里没有我一个亲人，也没有一个熟悉的朋友。除了贝贝， 这里的一切都让我感到隔膜和陌生，包括她的父母。
贝贝说： “你肯定是累了。不如我们躲开这儿．下周再回来，你喜欢去哪儿？拉斯维加斯？想去赌赌你的手气吗？或者我们干脆走远一点，去夏威夷怎么样？找一个安静的海滩，就我们两个人……” 安静的海滩？ 我点了头，说：“好啊。” 安静的海滩…… 我预料到我必然要和我一直逃避的那个梦境相逢了，在那个安静的海滩。
这家人都熟知贝贝的任性，当天就有人帮我们订了机票，送我们去了机场。从洛杉矶去夏威夷，我们将在太平洋上空，做长达七个小时的横渡。
… …
From:An Xin
To Yang Rui
Being loved by you is a kind of enjoyment, I have always imagined that I can be with you like that in my entire lifetime. But Yang Rui, I must go; for my destiny, I can't have a love, or a family; I was faded to live a life which must conceal my identity. I was destined to be lonely. Maybe you don't know how I love you; I love you more than Tie jun, but after all, Tie jun is my husband. After my husband and my son were gone one after one, I can't talk about love and romance again. I think I should be responsible for their lives, what I should do for, even die for them!
安心致杨瑞@玉观音
被你爱真是一种享受，我本来一直幻想能这样和你过一辈子的。但是杨瑞，我必须离开，我命中注定，不能有爱情，不能有家。我命中注定，要过一种隐姓埋名的生活。我命中注定，要孤独一人。你也许不知道我有多么爱你，我爱你胜过爱铁军，可铁军毕竟是我的丈夫。我不能在我的丈夫死了之后，儿子又死了之后再去谈情说爱。我觉得我应该为他们负责，为他们做一点事，甚至为他们去死！
From: Yang Rui
To An Xin
It was really a wonder that I, a freakish man, like being reborn from inside out, should be sincerely loyal to a woman; the wonder should be, first of all, owe to the qualities and character of An xin, which endured my false and shortcomings, touched me. For another, An Xin always brought me unexpectedly surprising feelings, which were, all the time, new and curious to me. For instance, between her appearance her experience was an unthinkable distinction; her inner temperament was great unimaginable different from her outer qualities.
杨瑞@玉观音
像我这样一个早已习惯见异思迁的男人能这么脱胎换骨般地爱上一个固定的女人确实是个奇迹，这奇迹的发生首先应该归功于安心的人格人品，对我产生了包容和感动的作用。其次，安心总能给我一些意想不到的惊讶，让我始终维持着对她的新鲜感和好奇心。譬如她的相貌和她的经历之间，就有着不可思议的距离，她的内在性格和她的外部气质之间，也有着难以想象的差别……
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