Where love and comfort meet相敬如宾还是近之则不逊
译文集萃
At the start of every relationship,both people put forth every effort to present the best version of themselves.Hair is clean and coiffed,manners are accounted for and each person dresses to impress.But
as several months pass and the couple grows closer, different people start to emerge.
在每一次相恋的开始时，情侣双方都不遗余力表现出自己最好的一面。新做的发型，光彩照人；行为举止，礼貌得体；服装打扮，焕然一新。但几个月后，两口子由生变熟了，迥异的面孔开始出现了。
Welcome to the world of sweatpanss,messy hair and gross behaviors.Things you would normally do only in private--burping,eating like a slob,passing gas,picking your nose--you may feel free to do in front of the other person because you assume they will be fine with it.
愉快地回到衣冠不整，头发凌乱，举止放浪的单身世界。做一些通常只是独处时所作的事-打饱嗝，吃东西邋邋遢遢，放响屁，挖鼻孔-你可能觉得可以随便在他（她）的面前这样做，因为你假定对方不会介意了，
But that isn't always the case.."Ideally,you want to be able to push the margins and be completely comfor-
table and open with your partner,so that you could potentially keep the bathroom door open go without makeup,belch,etc,but if that's the rule of thumb(all the)time,it can become turnoff,"said Jane Greer,a marri-
age and family therapist based in New York.
但是，事情并非总是如此。“理想的情况，你想可以突破底线，而无拘无束，舒舒服服和你的伴侣在一起生活，因此你可以让浴室的门开着，出门不打扮，打饱嗝等等，但是如果把它当成处事经验，那就会坏事了。”简·葛瑞儿，纽约的一位婚姻与家庭咨询师如是说。
Sure,it's natural to let one's guard own and reveal the real you as the relationship evolves,but don't leave behind the person your partner fell for initially.
的确，随着情侣关系日益亲密，很自然会放松礼节露出本来面目，但是可不要让你的对方感到你和初恋时的人面目全非，完全换了一个人。
"Being yourself also includes consideration for the other person and showing them the best of you,in add-
ition the worst of you,"Greer said."You want your partner to feel that they are the most important person in your life-not the least."
“作为真实的你也意味着考虑对方的感受，既展示你的优点，也不掩饰缺点。”葛瑞儿说。“你得让对方感到，他（她）是你的生活中最重要的伙伴，而不是无关紧要的。
Carole Lieberman, a phychiatrist and relationship expert based in Beverly Hills,California,said that before couples decide to let it all hang out, they should remember the phrase,"Familiarity breeds contempt."
卡咯里·莱博们，一位加州心理学和交友学专家说，在情侣决定彼此毫无顾忌放任自流之前，必须牢记这句成语：“近之则不逊。”
"Once you start tearing down the walls and acting like youe significant other isn't in the room,you will lose
any allure or air of mystery that you once had,"Lieberman said.It could jeopardize the romance in the ,rela-
tionship and after a while,you may wish you had never seen this side of your partner. It may cause you to lose respect for each other,she warned.
“一旦你撕下屏障，行为举止如同房间里傍若无人，你就会失去你曾经有过的魅力和神秘的色彩，”来博曼说。这样就会损害你们情侣关系里的浪漫气氛，而且，不久以后，你就希望你从未看到对方的这一面。这样一来彼此会因此失去互相尊重。
Getting too "up close and personal"with a partner may also tempt a wandering eye.Forinstance,Lieberman said:"When you see other potential mates whose bodily functions you haven't been exposed to,they seem more alluring."
和你的伴侣变得“太熟悉，随便了”可能让你见异思迁，莱博曼说;“当你邂逅一位你前所未有的风度翩翩潜在的伴侣，会让你觉得似乎更有魅力。
But Stan Tatkin,couples therapist in Calabasas,California,and an assistant clinnical professor at the Uni-
versity of California at Los Angeles,said it is inevitable that with time the mystery and excitement surround-ing a relationship will fade -no matter what two people do.
斯坦·塔特开，洛杉矶加州大学家庭心理学副教授说，随着时间的推移，夫妻之间当初的神秘感和浪漫情怀不可避免会消失--不论两口子怎样做。
"There's no way to preserve that new car smell" he said. The way to keep the passion alive is to never stop paying attention to your partner. Continue to listen, to watch and to learn more about them every day,he said.
“没有办法保持当初的那份新鲜感，”他说。让爱情保持鲜活的办法是，永远不要停止关怀你的伴侣。天天不断倾听，关注，了解对方。
“You can't make yourself mysterious and have a secure relationship," Tatkin added."But you can stay in love by being yourselve and staying transparent."
“你不可能永远保持神秘感和牢不可破的情侣关系，”塔特开补充说。"但是，你可以依靠你的真实的自我和坦坦荡荡的胸怀来维持爱情。
as several months pass and the couple grows closer, different people start to emerge.
在每一次相恋的开始时，情侣双方都不遗余力表现出自己最好的一面。新做的发型，光彩照人；行为举止，礼貌得体；服装打扮，焕然一新。但几个月后，两口子由生变熟了，迥异的面孔开始出现了。
Welcome to the world of sweatpanss,messy hair and gross behaviors.Things you would normally do only in private--burping,eating like a slob,passing gas,picking your nose--you may feel free to do in front of the other person because you assume they will be fine with it.
愉快地回到衣冠不整，头发凌乱，举止放浪的单身世界。做一些通常只是独处时所作的事-打饱嗝，吃东西邋邋遢遢，放响屁，挖鼻孔-你可能觉得可以随便在他（她）的面前这样做，因为你假定对方不会介意了，
But that isn't always the case.."Ideally,you want to be able to push the margins and be completely comfor-
table and open with your partner,so that you could potentially keep the bathroom door open go without makeup,belch,etc,but if that's the rule of thumb(all the)time,it can become turnoff,"said Jane Greer,a marri-
age and family therapist based in New York.
但是，事情并非总是如此。“理想的情况，你想可以突破底线，而无拘无束，舒舒服服和你的伴侣在一起生活，因此你可以让浴室的门开着，出门不打扮，打饱嗝等等，但是如果把它当成处事经验，那就会坏事了。”简·葛瑞儿，纽约的一位婚姻与家庭咨询师如是说。
Sure,it's natural to let one's guard own and reveal the real you as the relationship evolves,but don't leave behind the person your partner fell for initially.
的确，随着情侣关系日益亲密，很自然会放松礼节露出本来面目，但是可不要让你的对方感到你和初恋时的人面目全非，完全换了一个人。
"Being yourself also includes consideration for the other person and showing them the best of you,in add-
ition the worst of you,"Greer said."You want your partner to feel that they are the most important person in your life-not the least."
“作为真实的你也意味着考虑对方的感受，既展示你的优点，也不掩饰缺点。”葛瑞儿说。“你得让对方感到，他（她）是你的生活中最重要的伙伴，而不是无关紧要的。
Carole Lieberman, a phychiatrist and relationship expert based in Beverly Hills,California,said that before couples decide to let it all hang out, they should remember the phrase,"Familiarity breeds contempt."
卡咯里·莱博们，一位加州心理学和交友学专家说，在情侣决定彼此毫无顾忌放任自流之前，必须牢记这句成语：“近之则不逊。”
"Once you start tearing down the walls and acting like youe significant other isn't in the room,you will lose
any allure or air of mystery that you once had,"Lieberman said.It could jeopardize the romance in the ,rela-
tionship and after a while,you may wish you had never seen this side of your partner. It may cause you to lose respect for each other,she warned.
“一旦你撕下屏障，行为举止如同房间里傍若无人，你就会失去你曾经有过的魅力和神秘的色彩，”来博曼说。这样就会损害你们情侣关系里的浪漫气氛，而且，不久以后，你就希望你从未看到对方的这一面。这样一来彼此会因此失去互相尊重。
Getting too "up close and personal"with a partner may also tempt a wandering eye.Forinstance,Lieberman said:"When you see other potential mates whose bodily functions you haven't been exposed to,they seem more alluring."
和你的伴侣变得“太熟悉，随便了”可能让你见异思迁，莱博曼说;“当你邂逅一位你前所未有的风度翩翩潜在的伴侣，会让你觉得似乎更有魅力。
But Stan Tatkin,couples therapist in Calabasas,California,and an assistant clinnical professor at the Uni-
versity of California at Los Angeles,said it is inevitable that with time the mystery and excitement surround-ing a relationship will fade -no matter what two people do.
斯坦·塔特开，洛杉矶加州大学家庭心理学副教授说，随着时间的推移，夫妻之间当初的神秘感和浪漫情怀不可避免会消失--不论两口子怎样做。
"There's no way to preserve that new car smell" he said. The way to keep the passion alive is to never stop paying attention to your partner. Continue to listen, to watch and to learn more about them every day,he said.
“没有办法保持当初的那份新鲜感，”他说。让爱情保持鲜活的办法是，永远不要停止关怀你的伴侣。天天不断倾听，关注，了解对方。
“You can't make yourself mysterious and have a secure relationship," Tatkin added."But you can stay in love by being yourselve and staying transparent."
“你不可能永远保持神秘感和牢不可破的情侣关系，”塔特开补充说。"但是，你可以依靠你的真实的自我和坦坦荡荡的胸怀来维持爱情。
What if both partners in a relationship are on board with getting up close and personal?
如果相爱的双方已经熟悉到难分彼此时情况会如何呢？
That's the case for Eliza, who lives in New York but who did not want her last name to be used.She said in her previous relationships she never felt comfortable displaying habits that might be considered nasty.
She would sometimes skip the makeup in front of her former boyfriends,but that was it.With her finace,she doesn't have the same reservations.
现成的一个例子是住在纽约的丽莎，她不愿提起她的姓。她说在她以前和男友相处时一旦显露出不恭不敬的生活习惯时，从来没有感到舒服过。她在前男友面前，常常懒得梳洗打扮，情况就是这样。现在，和她的对象相处，她没有那么多禁忌了。
" I don't think anything really crosses the line," she said ."Everyone does all these things so if you feel comfortable enough with each other,then it should't stop you from being open about these usually previte
things.“
“我不认为这些真的是超越底线，”她说。“每个人都会做这些事只要彼此都感到舒服，那么，就不必禁忌去做这些通常是私下才做的事。”
But there is one activity -known to be a highly divisive issue for some couples-that she isn't 100 percent comfortable with yet.
但是，有一件事-被某些情侣认为是高度敏感的-她不是百分之百感到舒服的。
"Sometimes I feel a bit weird about leaving the bathroom door open,but (my fiance ) always says :"Don't worry ,it's just me,"Eliza said.
“有时，我对让浴室的门敞开感到奇怪，但是（我的老公）总是说。”不要担心，只有我在呢，“丽萨说
Couples should be upfront about what habits make them uncomfortable and voice that concern sooner ra
ther than later,Lieberman recommended.
情侣之间应该直面哪些习惯会长生不愉快而且坦白说出来，早说比晚说好，莱博曼这样建议。
"It all depends on what is personally disgusting to you and your partner,"Greer said."If you find none of the things your partner does unappearing,there's no need to worry about being open and sharing them with your partner."
“这完全依靠哪些是你和你的伴侣个人的爱恶，”格利尔说。“如果你觉得你的伴侣做的没有任何让你不愉快，那就没有必要担心和你的伴侣共享二人的自由舒服的世界。”
And,Tatkin added,when living with someone else,you want to feel fully at home with that person. Maintaining a pleyfulness with your partner and being comfortable with each other's bodies and less-than-sexy habitsis always a good thing.
塔特开再补充说。当和你的伴侣无拘无束生活在一起。维持夫妻和谐，彼此享受肢体的爱抚和习惯的融洽，永远是人生一大快事。
If one partner is disgusted by the actions of the other,the groosed-out partner should address the situati-
on before the habit becomes commonplace.Disgust is a powerful emotion,Tatkin said,and one that can cause us to push people away.
如果一方对另一方的行为举止感到恶心，反感的一方应该及早提醒对方以免养成坏习惯。恶心是一种可怕的情绪，塔特开说。它可能导致情侣分道扬镳。
By Jessica Reynolds Chicago Tribune
原文载《芝加哥论坛报》 作者杰斯卡·瑞农资 译者雪潮人
如果相爱的双方已经熟悉到难分彼此时情况会如何呢？
That's the case for Eliza, who lives in New York but who did not want her last name to be used.She said in her previous relationships she never felt comfortable displaying habits that might be considered nasty.
She would sometimes skip the makeup in front of her former boyfriends,but that was it.With her finace,she doesn't have the same reservations.
现成的一个例子是住在纽约的丽莎，她不愿提起她的姓。她说在她以前和男友相处时一旦显露出不恭不敬的生活习惯时，从来没有感到舒服过。她在前男友面前，常常懒得梳洗打扮，情况就是这样。现在，和她的对象相处，她没有那么多禁忌了。
" I don't think anything really crosses the line," she said ."Everyone does all these things so if you feel comfortable enough with each other,then it should't stop you from being open about these usually previte
things.“
“我不认为这些真的是超越底线，”她说。“每个人都会做这些事只要彼此都感到舒服，那么，就不必禁忌去做这些通常是私下才做的事。”
But there is one activity -known to be a highly divisive issue for some couples-that she isn't 100 percent comfortable with yet.
但是，有一件事-被某些情侣认为是高度敏感的-她不是百分之百感到舒服的。
"Sometimes I feel a bit weird about leaving the bathroom door open,but (my fiance ) always says :"Don't worry ,it's just me,"Eliza said.
“有时，我对让浴室的门敞开感到奇怪，但是（我的老公）总是说。”不要担心，只有我在呢，“丽萨说
Couples should be upfront about what habits make them uncomfortable and voice that concern sooner ra
ther than later,Lieberman recommended.
情侣之间应该直面哪些习惯会长生不愉快而且坦白说出来，早说比晚说好，莱博曼这样建议。
"It all depends on what is personally disgusting to you and your partner,"Greer said."If you find none of the things your partner does unappearing,there's no need to worry about being open and sharing them with your partner."
“这完全依靠哪些是你和你的伴侣个人的爱恶，”格利尔说。“如果你觉得你的伴侣做的没有任何让你不愉快，那就没有必要担心和你的伴侣共享二人的自由舒服的世界。”
And,Tatkin added,when living with someone else,you want to feel fully at home with that person. Maintaining a pleyfulness with your partner and being comfortable with each other's bodies and less-than-sexy habitsis always a good thing.
塔特开再补充说。当和你的伴侣无拘无束生活在一起。维持夫妻和谐，彼此享受肢体的爱抚和习惯的融洽，永远是人生一大快事。
If one partner is disgusted by the actions of the other,the groosed-out partner should address the situati-
on before the habit becomes commonplace.Disgust is a powerful emotion,Tatkin said,and one that can cause us to push people away.
如果一方对另一方的行为举止感到恶心，反感的一方应该及早提醒对方以免养成坏习惯。恶心是一种可怕的情绪，塔特开说。它可能导致情侣分道扬镳。
By Jessica Reynolds Chicago Tribune
原文载《芝加哥论坛报》 作者杰斯卡·瑞农资 译者雪潮人
文章评论
半世浮萍
大赞
秋日私语
近之则昧之，远之则思之。
雪潮人
[em]e1000061[/em]